5 Lessons Losing My Job Due to Covid-19 Taught Me

When I lost my job in May, amid a surge of tech-wide layoffs due to Covid-19, I wasn’t entirely shocked. My co-workers and I had been actively working on the postponement of programs our team was directly responsible for, so in a way the writing was already on the wall. However, what surprised me the most about being let go was how depressed and distraught I was from it.

Despite the flood of exit forms arriving in my inbox, and transition meetings I was conducting, I remained in denial for the first few days following the news. (Err, make that weeks, but who’s counting?) I’d never lost a job before, let alone had an adult gap in employment, so I was surprised at how completely disorienting it was. Days blended into nights, weekdays into weekends… water into White Claw.

But as the months have passed, in between the new norm of Zoom interviews and fighting the urge to move to Bali and embrace expat life, I’ve picked up a few hard-won pieces of wisdom about post-employment loss resiliency.

Here is the advice I’d pass on.

You are not your job.

I am a self-proclaimed recovering workaholic, and it admittedly took me a while to get to this obvious conclusion. As an adult, my identity has always been wrapped up in a weirdly ego-driven package tied to my job. Further, as a huge proponent of work/life balance for my team, I was arguably and ironically the absolute worst embodiment of this philosophy as a manager.

A fortuitous side effect of being laid off during a global pandemic (or anytime, really), was being confronted with heaps of time to carve out a more holistic and authentic identity for myself. I worked to set intention for the work/life balance I champion as a leader. I loved my job, but I didn’t have to let it define me. I am not just my job. Rather, I’m a daughter, I’m a philanthropist, I’m a dreamer. My advice to you? Recognize the story you’ve built your ego around, and begin to put it to bed. So you’re no longer Vice President of [insert mission-driven company name here]? So what! Your personal narrative is comprised of many chapters, and that’s a good thing.

Give yourself grace.

In the initial days following my lay off, I quickly realized, if I didn’t keep laughing I’d soon be drinking a glass of my own tears. Like many people who found themselves suddenly throttled into a new existence, rife with unstructured, alarm clock free days, I felt ashamed by my lack of immediate productivity. I scolded myself for not donating enough time/money/energy to the causes I feel so passionately about. I was embarrassed that I hadn’t even so much as finished one trashy book, let alone picked up a trendy new watercolor hobby, or drafted a 5-year plan.

The endless comparison of my quarantine accomplishments to that of my peers (or rather, to artfully curated social media feeds) was a recipe for self-loathing. I discovered that this mentality was zapping any remaining energy I had to move forward. As I learned to ease up on myself, and say no to the endless barrage of virtual happy hours, the inspiration began to return. Remember: it’s okay to be tired and it’s okay to say no. [For more anti-productivity guilt inspo, consult this and this.]

People are inherently good.

As an eternal optimist, I felt myself quickly sliding down a slippery slope towards a layoff induced, more pessimistic mentality. Not only was I jobless, and feeling abandoned by my mission-driven company, but Covid-19 quarantine restrictions had limited my normal coping mechanisms — nights out with friends, attending concerts, enjoying a meal at my favorite eatery, etc. It was also an utterly isolating feeling to be the only unemployed member of my larger group of friends.

However, in the days immediately following my layoff, I was surprised to find that people were checking in on me. A call here, a small care package there. Not just family or close friends, but former colleagues and even casual acquaintances. I felt really vulnerable talking about my job loss (especially given it had been so integral to my identity), but I quickly learned that people are craving a sense of community more than ever right now. Allow yourself to be the friend in need. Repeat after me: lean on your network.

Get your money right.

Real talk, as a tech worker in a booming San Francisco job market, I spent money freely and should have saved more. Expensive rent and commute costs, coupled with the aforementioned coping mechanisms (Yes way, Rose!) and prior years’ expenditures (think Jane Nichols in 27 Dresses) meant my bank account was less than prepared for an economic recession. While I am humbled to be one of the lucky with a severance package, being unexpectedly laid-off was a sharp reminder of how much better financial shape I could be (and should have been) in.

This sounds pretty silly and obvious (hey, I’ll take any low hanging fruit as a win these days), but I quickly sprung into action and assessed what recurring expenses I could and couldn’t live without for the next 6 months. I took advantage of free financial planning tools, and went into budget mode. Hello Spotify, and goodbye Hulu. Adios top-shelf margs, and hola Two Buck Chuck. I even discovered that some subscription based services, like the mindfulness app Headspace, were offering freebies for the unemployed. I also opened this credit card with 0% APR for 18 months (no, this isn’t an #ad), and transferred any higher interest bearing balances over to this card, to give me some wiggle room for a few months. My three new favorite words? Rainy. Day. Fund.

Embrace the adventure.

Who remembers The Game of Life? You could choose the college path, or head straight to your first job, and in either scenario become a wealthy CEO. Well, being laid-off during a global pandemic, with a downward spiraling job market, felt like the ultimate Game of Life style curve ball. Thankfully, the classic board game reminded me that there are many different paths to a dream destination.

To me, embracing this lay off also meant being able to pause the game and look inward for the first time in years. Laughably, I literally couldn’t remember the hobbies I’d enjoyed before my work life devoured my personal life. After some heavy introspection, and weighing the calculated risks, I ultimately decided to spend this newfound free time in Hawaii. I’m here now rediscovering myself, finding joy in nature, and taking care of my mind, body, and spirit. This has given me an immense amount of gratitude for where this adventure, or unexpected spin of the wheel, has landed me. The lesson here? When life hands you lemons, squeeze the day. It is, after all, about the journey right?